Scene: An icy tundra. Glaciers loom in the distance and a blizzard is blowing fiercely. ENTER ENAS.
ENAS: Of all the Star Wars biomes they could spawn me into, they choose a frickin’ ice waste? Have you creators gone mad?
QUATTRO (with red lightsaber): Halt!
ENAS: Who the heck are you?
QUATTRO (strikes mysterious/creepy smile): I…am Darth Vader!
ENAS: Wrong time period dude.
QUATTRO: I am Kylo Ren!
ENAS: Better. Where’s your mask?
QUATTRO: I am…. (dramatic effect)…. Exposed!
ENAS: Oh…good for you….You are so full of surprises.
QUATTRO: Wait a sec, aren’t you the same guy who shot me with a bullet and stabbed me with a musketeer sword?
ENAS (rolls eyes): No shit Sherlock.
QUATTRO: Bruh, you cost me two lives! Two! You know you only have four in all in this game?
ENAS: Well, yeah. (takes out lightsaber) Now show me what you got, Yoda.
QUATTRO: I thought I was Kylo Ren.
ENAS: Well you just turned short, green, and near bald. Deal with it.
QUATTRO and ENAS engage in combat with lightsabers. Another epic battle follows. ENAS is about to cut down QUATTRO when QUATTRO raises his hand.
ENAS (freezes): What?
QUATTRO: If you defeat me, you’ll have to turn into a girl.
ENAS: What in the name of-
QUATTRO: Did you not watch Rogue One? Rey defeats Kylo Ren.
ENAS: I don’t frickin’ care. (prepares to kill QUATTRO)
QUATTRO (raises hand again): Wait!
ENAS: What now?
QUATTRO (dramatic pause, then): LUKE I AM YOUR-
ENAS kills QUATTRO in one slash.
ENAS: Wrong time period dude. If that were true, I’d be your dad. (shudders) That’s scary.
ENTER STALKER WOMAN.
WOMAN (panting): Enas? Enas! Where are you? Oh stupid blizzard. What is wrong with the creators? Enas?
WOMAN almost trips over QUATTRO on the ground and accidentally kicks his balls in the process.
QUATTRO: Lady! What is wrong with you?
WOMAN: You lost again?!
QUATTRO: No, you see nothing. (goes back to being dead)
WOMAN: Ah, with one slice of his mighty saber, Enas has cut down his foe once more!
QUATTRO gets up to protest but lies back down again after a glare from WOMAN.
WOMAN: With every level, I love him more! The next level is the final one! I will find him! Enas, charming prince that appears in every old disney princess movie, wait for me!
CIVILIAN drags QUATTRO off stage. EXIT