Scene: Bustling streets of a medieval city. Horses are pulling wagons stacked high with barrels. Small stalls are lined on either side of the main street. Sellers are competing with prices and goods. People yell at each other and jostle each other to hurry to their next destination.
ENAS: Ah. A medieval city, eh? At least it smells better than that bar.
At that moment, ENAS steps on a pile of horse manure. He lifts his foot in disgust.
ENAS: Well, then. Spoke too soon.
Suddenly raised voices are heard. ENTER QUATTRO and CIVILIAN. QUATTRO has a beautiful necklace in his hand.
CIVILIAN: Please sir! That’s not for sale!
QUATTRO: Oh shut up! Go beg your girlfriend for another one.
CIVILIAN: We broke up! That’s all I have left of her!
QUATTRO: So? Buy yourself a new one! Plenty of nice woman on the market.
CIVILIAN: I can’t. I’m cursed.
QUATTRO (waves hand): Oh, well then, bye Felicia.
CIVILIAN: No, I’m serious, I’m cursed! Whenever I meet my girlfriend’s dad, we break up the next day.
QUATTRO (sarcastically): Oh really? Well maybe it’s because the dad doesn’t like you very much, hm? Did that ever come to mind or did it slip past that walnut of yours?
CIVILIAN (suddenly realizes): Oh yeah! Why didn’t I think of that?
QUATTRO gets annoyed. He pulls out his musketeer sword and thrusts it at CIVILIAN. CIVILIAN stumbles to the ground.
CIVILIAN: What? Whatzit? Was it something I said?
QUATTRO: No it’s just you in general. Don’t take it personal, kid.
CIVILIAN: I’m older than you!
QUATTRO: Like I said, don’t take it personal.
QUATTRO prepares to stab CIVILIAN. ENAS pulls out his own musketeer sword and intervenes.
ENAS (strikes pose): En garde!
QUATTRO gives ENAS a confused look. ENAS jabs his sword forwards pointedly and gives QUATTRO eye signals.
QUATTRO (uncertainly strikes a failed pose): Ok….en garde?
QUATTRO (suddenly realizes): Hey wait a sec, you’re that dude who shot me in the chest back at the Western Level.
ENAS: Exactly, so this time I’ll stab you. The audience demands it.
ENAS makes little jabs with his sword and crab-walks closer. QUATTRO whacks ENAS’S sword away.
QUATTRO: Uh, no. This time, I’ll stab you. Then we’ll be even!
ENAS: Why would I let you do that?
QUATTRO (whiny voice): You killed me last time. It’s my turn now. I had to wait forever before another player showed up. Tell you what- I’ll stab you, then I’ll go to the next level, and you can wait for the same player to show up too!
QUATTRO jumps around in little circles in excitement.
ENAS (sighs): Fine.
QUATTRO raises sword to chop ENAS’S head. ENAS suddenly raises his sword at the last moment, parries the attack, and dodges to the side.
ENAS: Oooh, psyched! Hah loser!
ENAS and QUATTRO exchange blows. Epic sword battle follows- not really- ending in ENAS stabbing QUATTRO.
QUATTRO (clutches chest): Again?
ENAS (in deep voice): And another one.
QUATTRO: Shut up.
QUATTRO falls to the floor and dies. Second life lost. CIVILIAN comes to front of stage and faces audience.
CIVILIAN: A round of applause to Enas!
ENAS bows to audience and throws imaginary roses to the crowd. He raises his hands for silence.
ENAS (does some charming winks): Ladies, ladies, please. It’s nothing.
EXIT ENAS and CIVILIAN.
ENTER STALKER WOMAN.
WOMAN: O, once again he has vanquished the evil!
QUATTRO (lying on the ground): Who, me? Evil?
WOMAN (kicks QUATTRO in the balls): Yes you. Now shut up, you’re supposed to be dead.
QUATTRO (on the ground clutching his balls): Second time, woman! Second time!
WOMAN raises her foot again threateningly. QUATTRO turns away.
QUATTRO: Ok, ok, I’m dying. See?
While QUATTRO lies on the ground in a dramatic death pose, WOMAN paces the stage.
WOMAN (dreamily): O Enas. You’re so brave. So cunning. So quick with your sword. (makes slashing motions with hands and sighs) No one holds my heart like you do. (sudden idea) I know! I’ll catch up to you. Then I’ll confess my true feelings for you and we’ll live happily ever after. It’s the perfect plan! O Enas, I’m coming!
QUATTRO: That woman is mad.
CIVILIAN: Shhh, you’re supposed to be dead.
CIVILIAN drags QUATTRO off stage. EXIT.